Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have aggressive nipples.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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