Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
