My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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