I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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