Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
