So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
