Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
