he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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