Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
