11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
