I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
