I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
