plz talk dirty to me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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