I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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