Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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