I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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