True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
