What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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