I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They took my balls.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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