We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
