Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
