Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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