Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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