i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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