she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
