I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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