He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
