i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
