I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
