Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
