I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
