you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
