I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
