dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
