I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
