I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
