they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
