i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
