At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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