The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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