I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
