I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you made out with another girl for some wings
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
