That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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