Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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