You really coming over, don't trick.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
