I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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