Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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