Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize