$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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