He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
