forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
