I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
