Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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