I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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