Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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