the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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