Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
