The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
