hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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