I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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