We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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