he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
