Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
